Learning To Let Go

May 17, 2013

I am learning to let go a lot of negativity in my life and it feels good. This might be lengthy but bear with me.

  • hostile
  • angry
  • quiet
  • withdrawn
  • no trust in people
These are all things that described me, notice the use of past tense.

I was the girl who if you burned me, I would burn you back. I was quick to pop off and yell, scream, and win the argument-whether I was right or wrong. 
I didn't trust people because  I quickly learned that most people were untrustworthy, but as humans I know now that we are not perfect and mistakes make up our life. It's how we grow and learn. I didn't see the point in making permanent relationships because I had the kind of mentality that people come and go as quick as you can blink. Now while this mentality of mine is true, I failed to realize that the bonds I made with these people last forever.
I always harbored hate, disgust, and anger...these emotions were my first skin, there was no second skin. 
You wouldn't have known was underneath even if you tried. On the outside I had to be sane and okay. While underneath I was confused and hurt. Then I didn't understand how there could be such thing as wrongfulness on this earth.

 But I grew from my experiences, I was not raised to be the type to break easily.However, even during these times I always strive to help others, I never made someone feel as low as I felt, and I always smiled. I took what made me angry, hurt, and scared-I put those emotions to good use or so I thought. I used those emotions as fuel for me achieving things to prove others wrong. But then I realized, I have nothing to prove to no one on this earth! 

I used poetry as an outlet to heal me, it literally saved me from doing a whole bunch of stupid things. I became a friend that others could tell their secrets to, I would be there with my ears and an open mind. I didn't judge people harshly, because I wouldn't want to be judged. I strive for the positive in life, and use it to inspire others.

 I'm not going to lie there are times when I feel the past breathing on my back, but I take out my fan and keep it pushing. There are better things in life that needs far more of my attention, for example my future. Just thought I would share this with you all.

-Sincerely Fay,
The Fay File ©